Do you ever feel like you leave parts of yourself behind when you leave a place? Or feel that the people in your life are all holding onto a small section of you? I think sometimes, especially when I am away from home for awhile, this happens to me. I become acutely aware of the strain on my connections to others and myself.
This isn't all bad - it can be reassuring to know that you are not forgotten when you aren't physically present. Being a military brat and having my own adventures in moving around, have helped me have lots of practice with this. Sadly, most of the time, when enough time has passed, you all just move on and forget the majority of people you were once connected to.
I was sitting in church yesterday and my mind was wandering, sorry Dan, to all the people that I wanted to be sure to catch before everyone had rushed out of the building. Some of them were small conversations that needed to be had, items that I wanted to return to people and deeper conversations that would require setting up a time to meet and talk at a later date. My mind was, annoyingly, even strategizing where to stand, who to talk to first, etc.
In the pursuit of more experiences, knowledge and planning for the future I am realizing the potential casualties of my endeavors. I have friends that are going through hard times that I could be there for more if I had more time for them. I am constantly presented with opportunities to serve others in meaningful ways. As my interests expand, so do the options for spending my time on things. I also need to realize that it is not my job alone to care for everyone, every need or attend every event - which is hard for me to grapple with at times.
Lately, in a pursuit of having more time for things that matter, I have given up things like the habit of shopping for leisure - it is limited now to only necessities, which will help me save more money for things like grad school. I have been cutting back on television for years but sometimes that can creep back in - even without cable.
At the end of the day I guess we all need to figure out how to parcel out our days and make sure we have balance in time spent on ourselves, on the people we care about and in addressing the needs in the world around us. Although urgency can be helpful at times, I am finding that I can't enjoy the small moments in between when I am trying to make all moments monumental. I'm slowly getting there. Thanks for checking in!